Thoughts and Times of Paul Zube

Just a short little post here (I start teaching my summer class in about 40 minutes), but I wanted to share the good, the bad, and the ugly from the GLCTL this last weekend. This is the first time that I have attended a conference without being a presenter, so it was an interesting and different experience.

First the good. There were several presenters that did a great job of describing how learning works in varying detail and how to utilize that in the classroom. Perhaps the most fascinating has a link to the slideshow here. Others did presentations along similar lines that were equally enlightening.

Now, the bad. There were also several presenters that followed the “I did this once and it worked” model of presentation. That’s not terribly helpful. There’s nothing generalizable about that. It’s frustrating when a session sounds like it is about to be good and then it falls flat on its face because it’s just a series of anecdotes.

Finally, the ugly. Being at a conference always generates conversations among attendees about what they do. This is the first time that I got negative feedback when I shared that I liked to do research and think that it’s an important part of being a professor. Not just “oh, I don’t”, but honestly negative feedback. For example, by doing research I am hurting my students’ educational development. This was a first to me. Now, I know that there are some faculty out there that do not concentrate on the teaching components of their job, but I don’t think that it negatively impacts learning. There are great researchers that are ok teachers. I would rather learn in an ok way from a great scholar than learn great from a hack. Just my preference I guess. I know that I also have research colleagues that look down on teaching professors. That’s equally problematic. Research and education are not mutually exclusive and we need to stop a) treating it that way and b) creating incentive structures at universities that encourage such a divide. Sadly, I’m in no position to solve this problem. I will continue to do research, however. I will continue to teach my students the best way that I think is possible while maintaining boundaries also. It’s what I like about this job. I get to do 2 (ok, 3 when you add in service) types of jobs at the same time. Now, if only we valued the difficulty of that job. We sure do respect professors, but we don’t always pay them that way. The same goes for any teacher really. Anyway, post done, next one coming relatively soon. 

This topic has been salient to me recently. Perhaps my position is unique because I work at a university and am part of an Arts & Science college that is most often the home of “general education” courses, but I believe that there is an increasingly prevalent mindset that the end goal of education is solely to be an employee. This mindset has manifest itself through the experiences of some of my colleagues, the discourse about general education at my university, and an increasing distrust of educated people who are not “professionals” such as doctors and lawyers. I’m concerned with this trend due to my interest in politics and political engagement as a research topic, but also because I’m a citizen. Without an educated citizenry, all the things we hold dear about democratic governance is essentially lost. That’s the gist, so if you wanted a short read, that’s it. Diatribe upcoming, so if you keep reading, hold on to your hat.

University Manifestation 

Currently there is a periodic review of general education requirements at my university. This is just a routine review process that happens at most universities. There are always pragmatic concerns such as “is my college going to lose out? Will we have to cut professor positions?” and other stuff like that. However, this time around, there seems to be a push from colleges not often considered “general education” (e.g. business, technology) to allow those colleges to handle the general education of their students. This would mean that instead of taking logic or ethics, students would take business ethics or business logic. That seems well and good, but it’s problematic when you consider that these fields have a specific and non-general take on those topics. Why is that problematic? Because students get one perspective and are put into knowledge silos when general education is handled within that students major college. Part of being education, in my opinion, is the ability to perceive differences of perspective and identify similar and dissimilar themes among them. That’s a useful “skill” for citizens even though it’s not a skill that might be useful as an employee.

I have a colleague who recently experienced this mindset in her class. In an essay exam for an art history class, a student replied that the question and the course was a waste of time because “in these economic times, things from the past has no value.” This should be a concern for everyone. When people don’t appreciate our cultural heritage, be it through history, art, literature, etc., we are doomed as a society that no longer creates or thinks. This should be considered a problem by employers as well. We are in need of thinkers more than anything else. Instead, we have students and parents who just want a set of skills. This benefits no one. 

It is particularly concerning because unlike in decades past, the current group of undergraduate students will likely have multiple careers, not just jobs. Employees no longer stay with one company for the duration of their working lives. This may require different skill sets and the ability to be flexible. In my mind, this is exactly what a liberal arts education produces; people able to learn on their own, demonstrate critical thinking, and be flexible in their thought process. A “jobs first” mentality strips this away. A recent book, Academically Adrift, found this lack of critical thinking skills as the result of higher education. This was particularly the case in jobs oriented fields. This isn’t surprising to me, honestly. If you are never challenged to think beyond your interest, how can you develop the ability to examine yourself and the world around you critically. This leads to my next point relatively well.

All Knowledge is Valid Knowledge

Let me first start with a disclaimer: I have not done research on this topic and my views are shaped solely by anecdotes and informal observations. What I have seen, however, is a general lack of an ability to take in new information, think about it, and come to a decision. The first two steps are pretty much handled. This is a good thing. John Stuart Mill argued that a free society should be open to unlimited free speech. He argued for this because good ideas should be continually tested against bad ideas. With the increase in cable news and the internet, there is no lack of ideas floating around in the public. What’s missing; however, is the ability to test these ideas in a logical, reasoned way. We have reached a point where because someone believes something, that makes it true. The ability to believe or articulate a perspective is very important, but we are missing the critical thinking skills that allows us as a society to determine what is good and what is not quite as good. A contributing factor is the decline of liberal arts education, at least in my opinion. Philosophy is essentially about testing ideas. Why are these good, why are these bad? The study of art history creates this skills. You need to be able to explain why you think feel art is good, because you’re saying what works for you or not. These may not seem like important things in our daily life, but like any skill, applying critical thinking requires practice. Instead, people believe things because someone told them to. They do things because their boss told them to. These are sometimes important things to do (I for one would like to keep my job), but it shouldn’t be the only way in which we believe or behavior. This is where it gets back to a public concern. Democracy works when there is free speech and an earnest debate regarding the value of the ideas expressed in those ideas. When we as a society are unable to follow or contribute to that debate, then democracy fails to function. I’m a social scientist, I recognize the various ways we make decisions. It’s not always egalitarian critical thinking. It shouldn’t always be. We would be overwhelmed by the amount of information and decisions we have to make. We do, however, have to value important decisions. Work is important. Acquiring work skills is important. But being a citizen is more important. Thinking about the collective goods for society is more important. The encouragement of being an employee first with employable skills above all else is incredibly problematic for our way of governance. We need to be engaged. I can study and help promote systems for that. But we also need to be able to use critical thinking skills. I can also teach this, but we need to have structures that support this. Education is more than an accumulation of skills. Education is life changing. Education makes you think about who you are, why you think what you do, and who you do things for. This is the heart of liberal education. We should support that. We should encourage employees to have these skills. We should require it. General education requirements with a good dose of “the humanities” sought to do this for students once. We should fight for them to remain or increase. Instead, the humanities are under attack. Perhaps it’s a bit hyperbolic, but I believe this is leading to our assumptions about being a citizen being under attack as well. I, for one, am concerned. 

Physicist Geoffrey West, as quoted by Jonah Lehrer in The Cost of Creativity (via visualturn)

Anonymous asked: Since you brought up the subject of unhappy marriage, I have another similarly related question. Dating. What is it that men look for? Do you prefer to make the first move?

That’s simple. If you’re interested, make a move. There is too much pressure on asking “the right way.”

So this post was difficult to title. As a child who lived through a divorce, I’m not really a fan of it. For me, marriage is a very important institution that brings happiness and stability to the lives of those involved and is worth fighting for and protecting. No, I’m not coming at this from a religious perspective. Marriage is an institution created by and upheld by humans. It’s a good institution though. As a side note, it’s such a good institution that it should be extended to all who want to have it’s benefits.

That being said, I seem to be disproportionately exposed to the worst marriages at the moment. I do have some friends and relatives with wonderful marriages that I would be happy to emulate. However, several friends and relatives are in terrible marriages, and I feel like I have stumbled across an interesting dynamic. I may be late to the party, and it’s not really my research area so I won’t pursue it but it appears that it is particularly difficult for woman to leave bad relationships/marriages. Yes, this is reflected in popular myths: “Nice guys finish last,” “Woman love bad boys.” I think this is beyond that, however. Woman seem able to leave relationships that aren’t working for a variety of reasons, but only if the person they are with is understanding and a good person for the most part. I’m not suggesting that if the guy is nice enough to leave you should stay. Sometimes relationships with good people still don’t work. What I’m suggesting is that the reason woman (and perhaps men, I haven’t seen that dynamic as much) don’t leave relationships, marriage in particular, when they are afraid of the person they are with. We as people tolerate a lot because of fear. And we, as a society, do a lot to support this fear.

I have a few examples in mind when I think of this. I have a family member who’s husband steals, has incredible substance abuse problems, and generally, seems unhinged to the point where physical violence is likely. She doesn’t like him as a person, their children have both left the house as soon as they could at 18 (the son at 17), yet she won’t leave because she is afraid of a)what society will think and b)of him. To me, this is a clear cut situation where she should leave. I also think it’s a situation where even people who believe in marriage would support her decision.

It’s a little less clear in my other examples. Whenever physical abuse is a potential, we as people seem to be on the right side of the issue. When it is psychological or neglectful abuse in nature, we don’t notice it as a much and put a lot of pressure on people to stay. Some of this has to do with what I’m going to cavalierly label the Mad Men effect. If you’re not familiar with the show, it’s a glorification of marriage in the 70s where men ran the show, the wife was an object of status, and mistresses were a pretty common object as well. As a media scholar, I don’t think this show has created this dynamic, but there has been a notable increase in hostility towards women as people. I’m not sure where it is coming from, but it’s there. Woman are increasingly being treated as objects as they were 30 years ago.  These are the types of marriages that I also think should fail, but there is a lot less  societal support for this. The examples I have in mind here are two friends, that I’ll mix the situations together to show what I mean. Their husbands may not be out and out having affairs, but they are certainly open to it and somewhat pursing them. They’re not going to turn down women when their wives aren’t around. It makes them feel younger, more powerful, or more relevant. I actually believe that in both cases at least one affair has happened, and in one case there is a strong likelihood that multiple affairs have happened. It has nothing to do with the woman they are married to or pursuing. They are just objects that they feel entitled to. 

This entitled dynamic I think is worth exploring a little more also. Recent research has found that the widening gap between rich and poor has also exposed an interesting gap in morality. Those that have more tend to do more cheating for financial gain, lying for status gain, and are more likely to at least inappropriately flirt because they deserve it. That’s why Tiger Woods did what he did, he was entitled. It’s why our politicians often get caught having affairs. It’s a troubling dynamic.

On a smaller scale, however, this mindset seems to have filtered down to our views on women in general. It bothers me when my male students seem to believe that women are money hungry sluts. It doesn’t help that major political talking heads perpetuate this feeling. These are the type of men that women shouldn’t marry. And my concern is that there are more men like this and more women trapped in these relationships by fear. If these woman brought these issues up, I’m certain that they would be met with terrible repercussions. Friends who should support them point out how much material stuff they would be giving up. That they’re getting older and no one would want to be with them (I hate this one in particular because I have a few friends who feel this about themselves as a result). Then there are the real consequences. People who view the world in this way and are challenged are willing to do vindictive things when they have the opportunity. 

I also have friends who are married and are separating. Both of them are incredible people. They have mutual respect for one another. As a group of friends, there is a great deal of confusion as to why they are getting divorced. We don’t know the issues, so that’s not fair. Why I use them as an example is because neither is afraid of the other. I’m sure they have some very difficult issues, but they respect each other which seems to make the divorce possible. The other examples I have in mind (family and friends) seem to be much better candidates for divorce in the first place, but because of the fear that makes those marriages problematic: physical abuse potential, vindictive mental abuse, a willingness to try to destroy the lives of others, they will remained married. And there is a society structure around them that supports the continuation of these marriages. This post was a bit brainstorm oriented and may not have flowed as a cohesive thought, but perhaps I was able to convey somewhat what I have been seeing and how troubled I am by this. Even as a person who truly believes in what marriage is for individuals, families, and society. 

January 26-29th of 2012 marked the 50th anniversary of the Daytona 24 Hours (Currently and for a long time the Rolex Daytona 24). This race means a lot to me for so many reasons. First of all, when I was only 2 years old, my Dad took me to Watkins Glen International to watch the now defunct IMSA Camel Continental. It was from these early exposures to sports car racing that I dedicated a significant portion of my life to being a race car driver. The Daytona 24 was the highlight race for this series, so I would always watch as much of it as possible growing up. When Speedvision (now Speed) first came to TV, I used to watch the entire 24 hours of coverage and fall asleep on the couch. I love sports car racing, especially endurance racing. As this was the 50th running of the event, many of the former winners had been collected and put on display. Some of my favorite cars growing up were there, bringing back incredible childhood memories. Some include the following:

In addition to these great childhood memories, I also have amazing personal memories from being at the track. When I lived in FL for a few months looking for sponsorship and driving race cars, I got to go to my very first Daytona 24. I was up the whole night and missed maybe 1 hour due to a nap in my car. This is just how I like to do the Daytona 24. It’s not just about seeing great cars, it’s about having a cool and intense experience.

Other memories include being a driving coach for a “pay driver” of whom there are many. He was not embarrassing as a driver (but with a bit of an inflated sense of his speed)  and I considered him a good friend at the time (although that has changed). He seemed to listen to me due to my expertise. It’s rare that he listens to anyone, so I supposed that’s a compliment. I also had the pleasure of bringing my one and only with me. Those are great memories of sharing something that means a lot to you with someone who means the most to you. The second year we went wasn’t always rosy, but it did wake me up a little bit (although it turns out I needed a little more waking). As hard as subsequent times have been, I have great memories from those events like falling asleep together on the plane, meeting in pit lane in the middle of the night, and explaining things that I love and her actually caring (or maybe pretending to, she’s very sweet like that). 

So, it’s pretty obvious I love this race. There was no way I was going to miss the 50th, even if it meant I had to provide “alternative to class” assignments to my classes. Everyone gets a pass every now and then, right? I brought my friend (also a racing fan, but more of an Indy fan) with me this time. Once again I got to experience sharing something I care about, but I assure you it’s very different when they’re your friend and not your one and only. He wasn’t quite the trooper either, as we got a hotel and shared a rental car, so I missed more of the race than I ever have in person. 

It was still a great event to attend. Big anniversaries like this are so special to be part of. I hope that I get to celebrate the 75th and, if I’m very lucky, the 100th running as well. The race was the closest in history for both classes, so it was a great event for the promoters, the fans, and the drivers. One a side note, the winner of the GT class happens to be someone I used to race against very successfully. I can’t help but admit that I did experience a little heart tug with that one. But life isn’t fair and it’s still an honor to know that but for a few different opportunities that could have been me also. Being at the track also reminded me that but for a few different choices on my part and some advice that should have been neglected, my current life would also be very different in a positive way. 

Rambling aside, what a great event and a trip well worth it! The return trip was a little scary (standby all day and almost not getting home), but I have stories for years to come and perhaps something I could share with children if ever I have them. More scholarly, political, thoughtful posts are coming, so be on the lookout for those in the near future.

So, I know I’ve been a little neglectful of this blog lately, but there has been a lot of work piled my way. No worries, I’ll make sure to update on this soon! Some of that will be included in this post, but this one is mostly dedicated to the very ambitious road trip I took during my winter break. In approximately 2 weeks, I drove nearly 4, 000 miles. The map below shows my route.

This was a great trip, as I do love a good road trip, but I do have to admit even I was pretty exhausted by the end of it. So here’s what happened:

Leave Big Rapids. After completing the semester, it was time to get the show on the road. I had already finished all my grading so it was going to be light on work. All I was bringing was a new textbook for a new course I’m teaching this spring (thus the being extra busy). I actually have a course overload this semester, that means 15 credit hours. Doesn’t sound like a lot, but it’s amazing that I’m teaching more credit hours than some of my students are taking! Anyway, I digress. 

Clarksville, TN. My uncle has been doing some consulting for a company in TN and gets pretty lonely without his family. So, since I was mostly on my way, I decided to stop for a quick visit. We did dinner, had a great chat, and then I continued on. If that seems surprising, that’s just how my Mom’s side of the family rolls. No distance is too far for just a dinner. Yes, we’re strange. 

(Slept in Chattanooga, TN)

Jacksonville, FL. This is where my sister, my brother-in-law, 3 nieces, and 1 nephew live. I don’t get to see my sister as often as I would like. I’m hopeful that this will continue to change as I get older. My sister and I are half-siblings and didn’t grow up in the same house. When I was much younger, this actually bothered me some. I really wanted a sibling and whenever I would get to visit her I was delighted. This actually remains the case. When I got to just hang out (when not entertaining the kids, more on that in a moment), we had exactly that sibling connection I always wanted. We’re surprisingly similar considering how different our childhoods were. It’s so great being able to see her. Her husband is also fantastic, and if I can arrange it, I’m hoping that he’ll be able to guest lecture via the Internet during this semester. They have an amazing family, exactly what I would want…..except not so many kids I must admit. Each of their children are wonderful and near perfect, it’s pretty amazing actually. The oldest (10) writes science fiction in her free time (I know, I’m pumped), the next oldest (8) is such a boy that it’s funny. The third (6) is incredibly sweet, and the fourth (4) is still adorable and is definitely the baby. Yes, those ages are awfully close, which causes some drama, but it’s still a pretty amazing family. I have to admit I’m a little jealous. This part of my trip was great. Wonderful family time, reconnecting with my sister and once again being amazed at how similar we are, and getting to chat with my fun loving brother-in-law.

Washington, DC. A friend from high school now lives and works in the DC area, so I figured I would stop by. She technically lives in Annapolis, which is a surprisingly small town that has a very old port town feel, especially (and obviously) in the historic district. It was good to see that she is doing well as an architect. It’s good to catch up with people who were part of your daily life and see how things turned out. 

Albany, NY. A visit with my mom on Christmas Eve. I haven’t spent Christmas Eve with my mom in years, so this was incredibly nice. We did what she loves most; a quiet night just sitting, talking, and drinking tea. We had started calculating a day trip to NYC the next day, but these plans were cut short by a call from my friend in Morgantown, WV. A stupid and depressing life event left him all alone on Christmas. After talking to my mom, we both decided I should go see him. I get to see my mom and talk to her often, so she understood. Although we’re both essentially non-Christians, we both felt that it was seasonally appropriate for me to be supportive and giving to my friend considering the day. Read the parable of the good Sumarian…that’s what we are. 

Morgantown, WV. The trip was pretty uneventful and the roads in WV are beautifully hilly, something I miss in MI. When I first arrived, my phone was dead so I had to find power and I choose a parking garage. Calling from here instantly put my friend in a better mood especially since he got to hear only my side of the conversation with a security guard which ended with “you see, I desperately need this power.” No harm no foul and my friend and I met up. We had some drinks and watched people make terrible Christmas decisions, truly an awesome experience. We had good times and I hope I was able to cheer him up and be the listening and supportive friend that I am always trying to be. 

Vestal, NY. Back to the home town for a bit to visit with my dad and see a few friends. My best friend was pretty sick, so sadly I couldn’t see him, but I did get to spend time with a few other people from high school. They all seem to be doing well, and this pleases me. I got some presents, including a new coat (I’m old enough that coats are cool presents) and snow tires for my car. That my home town is in decline, however, made it relatively easy to get back on the road, even though it would be nice to see my dad more often. I get to talk to him frequently also, which is great, but he is a much more open, fun, and engaged person than he was when I was a child. Not that I didn’t feel loved, because I certainly did, but he isn’t as swamped with work because he has loosened up a bit as he has gotten older. I think this happens with most people, dads in particular. I’ll have to keep that in mind if I ever have kids. 

Toledo, OH. New Years Eve! Great time with a Lansing friend and her new friends. I also got to meet up with my roommate in Toledo, who then later got in a fight about politics. Classic New Years. Fun times and great food. There are great benefits to having “foodies” in your life. 

Lansing, MI. Back in Michigan and back in Lansing. I got to see a few friends from grad school, but many were on their own trips to visit family. This was probably for the best. As you can image, I was getting a little burned out with this whole trip thing. 

Big Rapids, MI. Home kinda. A few days just to me, finish the prep of my new course, and plenty of sleep. 5 days later the semester started and off into overworking mode. 

Overall, great trip. There were many lonely miles, as holiday time still tugs at my heart a lot. This is especially true on road trips because I had the best road trip partner ever. The Golf did an amazing job (avg. 44.6 mpg). One little snag was hitting a piece of truck tire that took out a fog light. As disappointed as I was, that’s why they make insurance. I probably won’t do such an ambitious trip again soon, but it’s good to do these every now and then. People forget how beautiful different states are and how productive quiet contemplation on the road can be. I hope I’m always able to take road trips. I know it’s something I would want to share with my family just as my parents shared it with me. Off for now, but the next post will be Daytona, FL related, and then some more serious posts. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. 

It’s the Thursday after the 2011 elections. It wasn’t a note worthy election, but I guess that’s the problem. The 2011 election, like so many non-Presidential elections or midterm elections got only a small amount of news media coverage and small voter turnout. Yet, really important legislation and the fates of elected bodies were decided. In Michigan, for example, a sitting Michigan House Representative was recalled. The decision that a sitting elected official was no longer fit to serve in office is not a trivial matter, but this was decided by approximately 17% of the electorate. The city of Lansing elected two City Council members with just 19% of the electorate voting. These numbers, on their own, are not too troubling. We all have the right to vote, and we also all have the right to choose not to vote. The issue is that these elections have as much power as the presidential elections when it comes to consequences. The Mississippi “personhood” bill was defeated, but I wonder how strategic the timing of an off year election was in determining when to bring that up for a vote? In 2008 56.8% of all Americans voted for president. The majority of them selected  Barack Obama to be the President of the United States. In 2010, 37.8% voted and the majority of that minority of Americans essentially gridlocked the Federal government by electing a majority of Republicans to Congress. What the majority of Americans voted for was undone, in essence, by a minority of highly motivated Americans. I’m not blaming those that vote, however. It’s important. I vote in every election and I encourage everyone I know to vote in every election, even if it doesn’t “matter” because you won’t win. Winning isn’t always the point. Voting and providing that level of feedback to elected officials is the point. When only 37.8 of people show up at the polls, you’re disproportionately empowering some over others. The reason why inequality persists in this nation is because those with the means are those that do the voting. It’s not the government that the people should be worried about, it’s their fellow Americans that vote. They’re the “elite” minority, not the politicians that are elected.

Granted, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. The politicians we elect are the elite and they seldom know or care about “the little guy.” But we put them there. And in off year elections, like 2011, “we the people” is a pretty small group. Yet those elections carry just as much weight. If turnout rates were consistent, I would be happier. Inconsistent turnout privileges people like me who always votes while punishing people that occasionally do. More concerning is that the wealthiest Americans tend to vote more often than the rest of us. We shouldn’t be surprised that our system supports them above all others. 

This post was a little ranty, I’ll try to be more social scientist next time around. This just really bugged me.

This almost slipped by, but I’m glad it’s a separate post. Dan Wheldon died during the Indy Car finale at Las Vegas Speedway. This track was not really designed with Indy Cars in mind and was getting a lot of complaints from the drivers. It is tragic that Dan was killed, but perhaps some good will come from it. The racing community has tended to respond well (at least in recent memory) to tragic events such as this. It is unfortunate that it often takes such an event for long standing thoughts to be made clear, however.

On a personal note, I once had the opportunity to be testing at the same time Dan was. He was testing what would now be an Indy Lights car while I was doing some formula ford testing in Sebring, FL. I talked to him a bit, but we were both young and ambitious and not looking to make friends so much as show off we were fast. He was a genuine person though, and that should always be remembered. He cared about the people in his life, was passionate about what he did, and was genuine. Few people can say they are those things, even fewer can mean it. The racing community has lost a fantastic person, and his family has lost a sincere son, husband, and father that we should all aspire to be more like. I have linked his memorial page below for anyone who happens to be interested.

Dan Wheldon Memorial Website

Strange title for a post, I know, but it’s fitting. This is another “update” and brain dump post which, I was reminded, is similar to how I used to just share things while eating dinner at a sushi restaurant in East Lansing. Posts like this might actually be named similarly in the future, one never knows!

First, and most importantly I guess, is work related stuff. It is now just past the mid-term mark of the semester. Many of my students are doing very well, some others not so much. I have had a few students that I really thought would do incredibly well and really dropped the ball. I can’t help but feel like I have let them down in some way, and yet, their peers were able to accomplish the same task just as I had asked. It’s weird to be so disappointed by a student, but I guess that comes with the territory. I must not be cynical enough yet.

My next semester also seems to be falling into place. The possibility of an overload schedule is there, which is a double edged sword. I would get a bonus, essentially, but it means I’ll have an additional course to manage and teach. It also looks as though I’ll be getting an opportunity to teach an upper level COMM course as well, so that would be exciting. Teaching public speaking is fine, but one can very easily get burned out listening to so many speeches that end up being so repetitive. You would think students would have a diversity of interests to give speeches about, but they all tend to come back to very familiar and essentially cliche topics. I need to figure out a way to increase the diversity of the topics presented in the future.

It has also occurred to me just how ironic it is that I’m teaching public speaking at all. When I was an undergrad enrolled in a public speaking course, I was absolutely terrible. I always did well on the written portion, such as making outlines, but my speech performance was terrible. There were times I was so nervous that the professor even stopped me to let me calm down a little bit. It took me a long time to get over that speech anxiety. Now my career is standing in front of people and delivering information, be it in a classroom or during a conference presenting research. I have told all of my students that they are starting off much better than I did. Some still get pretty nervous, but no where near as nervous as I was. I don’t know if they believe me or not, but telling them that seems to help a bit.

An additional irony regarding my career crept into my mind the other day again. Unless I find an incredible job working for a research firm or think tank, and I have started looking at those opportunities, my career keeps me in college forever. This would have surprised the 18 year old version of me. My mom filled out most of my college applications. That it’s applications and not the singular is solely because she filled out a quick one for the University of Michigan because I have family in Ann Arbor. After quite a bit of fighting, I conceded going to SUNY Albany because it was alphabetically the first university on a list of NY universities. Luckily, it was a good school and I got a good education there. I was very focused on my racing career at that point. My undergrad experience was more non-traditional, as I was mostly gone during the weekends racing or preparing for races and looking for sponsors. I finished in 3 years just to get it over with so I could work full time on my racing career. And yet, here I am 12 years later working at a university and on a career path that will keep me in higher education for years to come. Very strange how things work out like that. I still get little pangs of regret, but that was addressed in a prior post.

In non-work related news, I have really enjoyed playing in a hockey league here, but it is exhausting. I play two times a week and am really improving. Lots of what I used to be able to do in high school is coming back, but it’s just in an older body. It’s good though, as I feel like I’m in much better shape than I have been in about 8 years. It also gives me something non-work related to do. I do have some good friends here, but my social circle is relatively small, so I have plenty of opportunities to fall into work-a-holic tendencies. Hockey keeps me a little balanced, a long with doing a lot more meditation than I used to. That being said, I do probably work more now than I used to a few years ago. My goals and objectives for my career have changed as I no longer have a family life to take care of. I would much rather have that family, as it has always been very important for it, but in it’s absence, I guess I’m using work to fill that void. The more I get to know my colleagues, it seems that is a pretty common thread among professors. There are plenty of professors with good work-life balance, but they do seem to be in the minority. As much as I wish that could be me, I just don’t see that happening. A lot of doors have closed recently and are not likely to reopen. Many of them I closed, but others were closed for me. I believe the cliche is with each closed door a window opens. That cliche is pretty telling however. We would much rather walk through an open door. It’s more comfortable, it makes sense, it’s easier. Windows are a struggle, not really a fit, and rarely do they lead where we want them to. I think I’m going to avoid windows.

In home related news, Dave (my roommate) and I finally got our rented house looking like a house. For the most part, he bought the furniture as he is more likely to be staying in the area. I’m starting to look for other jobs, either tenure track or outside of academia (weird), so I am likely to move in the relatively near future. Still unknown. I would just sell off everything and start with new stuff when that happens. But for now, our house looks homey. There are places for visitors to sit (if either of us is home long enough for anyone to bother visiting) and there are actually some decorations and stuff. It’s crazy. It’s been a long time since I’ve made a place seem like home. It’s still missing a lot, but more due to circumstances than what is in the house.

In terrible conclusion style, I guess that’s it for now. I have been keeping track of some news stuff and will likely comment on that at some point. Things are going well, though not always how I want them to. I think that’s going to be my lot for the rest of my life, and overall, that isn’t too bad.

So, an actual post from me. I know, it’s very surprising. This will serve as a “catch up” post. Lots has been happening; so much so that I haven’t been able to write any of it down!

I’ll start with job stuff. The move was relatively uneventful. I didn’t get as much help as I had hoped, but that was somewhat expected. My new roommate and I have similar style when it comes to keeping a house up, so that’s working out well. Finally finished unpacking all my stuff. There were things I haven’t unpacked in a long time. I found a lot of very wonderful mementos. Nice to have, but of course brings a little sadness to my heart as well. I really like my job, I really like the people in my department, and I mostly like my students (more on that in a moment), but the piece that is missing is really missing. I’m on the path I intended, but I don’t have the person I expected to be walking it with. Too depressing, moving on. 

The department I work for is full of great people. I could be very happy here if there was a tenure line and interest in social media or political communication here. I fit in well, but I’m still on the job search for when I do finally finish that dissertation. I’m making very good progress and I think it’s going well and will be successful. Searching for a job is somewhat of a pain though, and I can’t wait to have a work “home.” At least for a little bit. I look forward to having a career, not a job. I’m getting older and I don’t feel very behind in terms of things that I want out of life.

I also really like my students. For the most part, they are engaged, interesting, and pay attention. I have no illusions that they want to really be here. I teach 4 sections of the general education public speaking class, so I’m dealing with people who don’t want to do this and/or are super nervous of public speaking. They are doing really well, other than a few who are doing the typical disengaged form of undergrad behavior. I have a few students who are doing well beyond excellent, and that makes me very happy. It’s great to see students succeeding. 

I also am feeling like I’m getting a hang of the teaching thing. I’m going to ask for some student feedback in the near future and hopefully they will agree with me. As a result of getting into a rhythm, I’m also getting back on track research wise. I’m excited by what I do again. I was getting ground down and didn’t have my support system in place. Still no support system, really, but I guess I’ve become more self reliant. 

In non-work related news, I’m playing hockey, which is great fun. My team is made up of some very talented 18 and 19 year old guys who are probably just barely not good enough to be playing in college. On the first day of practice, one of them complained about not having skated all summer and being rusted. I stated that I hadn’t played in 12 years, so I was probably a bit more rusty. He then reminded me that 12 years was more than half of his life. Yep, I’m getting old. Not too old yet. As a result of hockey, I have become more aware of the rough shape my body was in, so I’m starting to work out more. Having weights at home helps this a lot. I really need to work on my flexibility, though. I have let that get out of control. 

Regarding politics and the world we live in, it’s maybe beyond this post. There is just so much hostility, disinterest, polarization, and mean spirited rhetoric out there right now. It’s kinda depressing. I guess that’s what we get when we reward a-holes so much. It’s a cultural thing we need to work on. I’m kinda sick of it, but feel powerless to do anything about it. I’ll get some energy back for the good fit eventually though. 

Anyway, back to my 80% happy existence! I’ll try to write more often. I always enjoy it when I do. 

So I’m doing more links than content right now. Still busy, but trying to get back to this writing. I did want to take the time to provide a link to a New York Times article about Steve Jobs. I may not be the biggest Apple fan, regarding how things have been marketed and the way they release products. However, there is no denying that Steve Jobs was an incredibly innovative, interesting, and inspirational person. Apple was his life. Business was his life. And yet, when he recommends that people follow their heart and intuition, that can be applicable to our entire lives. As people, we often settle for what is available, what others tell us we want. Taking the advice of others is important, guidance is useful. Yet advice can complicate matters that our hearts already know the answers to. We let the babble of others influence us because we are afraid to act on our own and follow our own paths. Certainly, Steve Jobs was guilty of this at times. But as with all people, he was not perfect, but he could inspire us to attempt to be better. That’s what is really most valuable about people like Jobs. We need to be reminded that we are not trapped by our decisions, that doors are always open if we put in the effort to keep them open. Perfect may not be possible, but the pursuit of it is often good enough. Thanks for the inspiration for work, life, love, friendship, parenthood, and staying “hungry and foolish” Mr. Jobs, even if all you really wanted was for me to buy an iPod. Deeds often don’t appear to be as powerful as they at first seem.

RIP Steve Jobs

I promise I’ll get back to this soon. There is just so much on my plate right now. Feeling a little stressed, but making it through. Yowza!

I have been incredibly busy since starting my new job, including the orientation and the first week of teaching. I’ll share stuff soon, promise. For now, however, I wanted to share this link to a great opinion piece written by a former GOP staff member. The research of Larry Bartels conflicts somewhat with the dynamics Mr. Lofgren is suggesting, but it is still an interesting and enlightening read. Unfortunately, it only makes me sadder for the future of our country and more upset at the people who are “running” it and the type of people most rewarded in our society. Blech, enough of that. The link is below:

Goodbye to All That: Reflections of a GOP Operative Who Left the Cult

So this post is a little off topic (as if this really has a topic). A few weeks ago, I went to Watkins Glen International to do a driver education event with my Dad. He’s a member of the Northeast Quattro Club and this is the kind of stuff they do. In fact, when I was 16, the very first time I took a car and not a go-kart onto a track was through the NEQ Club. A driver education event is essentially a way for people to take their road cars and do some hot laps. For people who have never done anything like this, it is actually educational. Learning what your car feels like when it starts to lose traction and how cars reacted when they are heavily loaded do have some implications for road driving. If you were in a must avoid contact situation, what a car can and will do when helps to know before hand. Anyway, not the point of this blog post. Certainly I could go on and on about car dynamics and applied driving theory to road driving. I won’t. You’re welcome.

Anyway, when I was about 14, my Dad had me start writing up “race reports” whenever I competed. His thought was that fans/sponsors might be interested. If I was going to attempt to make racing my career, I had to do this kind of work stuff also. From that point on, I wrote up these reports. Dad distributed them through a email list. At this point, blogs weren’t really read. I mean, people used AOL. Yes, I’m getting old. This email list started as just a few of his friends, but surprisingly grew relatively quickly. I think at it’s peak, it went out to about 300 people or so. The reports were also mailed along with proposals for sponsors. I have no idea how many of them I ended up writing (I should have kept better career stats), but every time I was driving on a track, a report would follow. When I was forced to retire in 2004, I sent out one last report. Lots of emails came back with their condolences, supporting words, etc. It was pretty powerful. Obviously, I haven’t written one since. 

After doing the DE with my Dad, I had a long 10 hour trip home. I did a lot of thinking about where my life has ended up since the last time I really drove a car like that. I really like my job and look forward to it as a future, but it’s not the career I wanted. I still miss driving and I really think I could have made it if motorsports was more merit, and not financially, based. There are also some things that I would have missed had I still been racing. I never would have had reason to randomly eat at a chain restaurant in Nashville. If anyone who actually knows me reads this, they’ll know that I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for that experience. But all in all, I still miss racing. How do you not miss something that you love to do and are really good at. As I get older, the disappointment is going away some, but there are still times that I feel cheated by the type of people who are the gatekeepers of motorsports. 

So, as a way of dealing with this, this post will essentially be a rebirth of my race reports. Back in the day, they were incredibly detailed. The races were essentially play by play accounts; a chronicle of what I did well and the mistakes I made. Followers knew the series I was in, the drivers I respected, those that were my rivals, and the hacks that I sometimes had to share the track with. They knew my car as well as I did from the descriptions. I guess that’s why they were pretty popular for what they were. This won’t be as detailed, but just a sampling of something I used to do; just like driving a Golf on a race track is just a sampling of what I used to do.

Watkins Glen: NEQ DE Weekend

The Golf TDI has been an impressive car since it was bought in March of 2011. It handles well, has a fun amount of pep, and gets amazing gas mileage. My Dad and I started talking about what it might do on a track. The TDI is an incredibly torque oriented engine. I normally shift at 2k RPMs or fewer when just driving around town. It tops out at about 4,400 RPMS. These characteristics mean that it would drive very differently than a gasoline based engine. Luckily, the Northeast chapter of the Auid Quattro Club had an event at Watkins Glen in late July. I hadn’t really been home during the summer, so this was a great opportunity to do something with my Dad and have some fun on track. 

My Dad signed us up. The NEQ asks for some driving experience so they can put drivers in the right run group. The event is divided up so that drivers of similar ability, as opposed to similar car capabilities, all drive together in 30 minute sessions. Then you get some “classroom” time to discuss driving theory, etc. My experience as a pro racing driver, including a pole position at Watkins Glen, firmly put me in the “red,” or most experience run group. The people who typically make up the red run group tend to do many DE events and make serious modifications to their cars in order to boost performance. The TDI, on the other hand, is my daily driver and was as stock as stock can get other than oil temperature and turbo boost gauges that were added. I like information, after all. 

After a series of meetings and my first classroom session, it was time for the first track session for my group. It had rained heavily during the prior group’s time (which my Dad was driving in) and was still raining with a very wet track for my group. I have to admit to being a little nervous. I hadn’t done this in so long after all. I pulled out onto track, getting soaked (the NEQ requires windows be down for safety reasons) and started to get up to pace. The track was definitely wet, but I was surprised how easy it was to find traction. I took it easy the first two laps, just figuring out how to do this again. Watkins is a “power track” meaning that it has long straights and fast corners, which gives an incredible edge to high horsepower cars. The TDI is not one of them. It makes maybe 140hp. Rain is the “great equalizer,” but with 911s, a Ferrari, an Audi A8, and heavily modified Audi sedans, the poor little Gold shouldn’t stand a chance. Good thing it wasn’t a race. To my surprise, however, my skills came back to me relatively quickly. I was the only person taking the famous Watkings Glen Esses flat out, blasting past the 911 GT3 car at the exit. That was a pretty cool feeling. Golf 1, exotic sports car 0. That equation changed throughout the weekend, especially with a dry track, but it did feel really good.

The next session, and all the rest, were in the dry. The TDI still performed really well. The brakes held up. The car was surprisingly nimble through the corners considering the non-track tires I was using. Overall, I was super impressed. Did I also mention that I got 18mpg as an average around the track? I really love my car. For one of the sessions, I had an instructor with me so that they could offer tips. The first few laps, I think I scared him a little bit. So I backed off and he commented how much smoother I had become. That’s the difference between racing and DEs. Smoothness is definitely good for both, but sometimes there is a quicker, but more uncomfortable for a passenger, approach. The stop watch said I was slower, but the instructor was more comfortable and impressed, so it worked out. It was the only session I had an instructor for, however, as he certified me as a solo driver. Then it was just me, the track, and my car. 

I had really missed the challenge of trying different lines, figuring out what was fastest for the car I was in. I missed trying to carry more speed into the corner, get on the throttle sooner than the lap before, brake a little later, brake a little gentler, sliding the car all the way to the exit and kicking up a little track side dust. The comfort I feel in a car is hard to describe. I feel like I’m at home behind the wheel when I’m pushing. It’s my heart’s second home. The faster cars all blew past me on the straights. It actually sounded great. It’s hard to describe what an incredible wail a Ferrari 430 Scudaria engine makes at full song as it flys on by. No one made much up on me in the corners, even though most everyone had DOT slick tires or minimally performance tires. I was pleased. 

All in all the weekend was fun, no damage was done, and Dad and I got to spend some time together doing something we used to do nearly every weekend. On the way home, the TDI did what it always does; gets great mileage and does so comfortably. It really is such a great car. And now I’ve written up a little report, just like the old days. Bittersweet.